Two days a week my children are looked after by our nanny. She's been with us for almost two years and she is amazing. Thing is, I'm not a working mum providing for my family, I don't have a job, I'm not even a very good housewife. Sometimes I find it hard to justify employing her.
The reason we decided to look for a nanny in the first place was my health problems. As well as being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I have rheumatoid arthritis and every week I have to take a cocktail of medication that makes me feel pretty rotten. The drugs mean that generally I stay mobile and in reasonably sane, but the side-effects are lousy. So two days a week the nanny comes to our house and takes over so that I have a bit of respite.
It works perfectly; I haven't had a depressive or hypermanic episode in some time, I can take the particularly horrible immunosuppressant drugs for the RA once a week and it doesn't matter if I feel like a big pile of shit for two days plus I get a bit of extra sleep which helps better manage both the RA and the bipolar. But I still feel guilty. Most people have to struggle on.
The kids are happy. They positively benefit from having an enthusiastic, lively, young nanny in their lives. It's just about the way I see myself. Those two days a week make me feel like less of a mother. I could be super mum for the other five days, but it's never enough. The 'nanny days' still make me feel like a lazy, part-time mum.
