Not a martyr or lazy mummy?

Two days a week my children are looked after by our nanny. She's been with us for almost two years and she is amazing. Thing is, I'm not a working mum providing for my family,  I don't have a job, I'm not even a very good housewife. Sometimes I find it hard to justify employing her.

The reason we decided to look for a nanny in the first place was my health problems. As well as being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I have rheumatoid arthritis and every week I have to take a cocktail of medication that makes me feel pretty rotten.  The drugs mean that generally I stay mobile and in reasonably sane, but the side-effects are lousy. So two days a week the nanny comes to our house and takes over so that I have a bit of respite. 

It works perfectly; I haven't had a depressive or hypermanic episode in some time, I can take the particularly horrible immunosuppressant drugs for the RA once a week and it doesn't matter if I feel like a big pile of shit for two days plus I get a bit of extra sleep which helps better manage both the RA and the bipolar. But I still feel guilty. Most people have to struggle on. 

The kids are happy. They positively benefit from having an enthusiastic, lively, young nanny in their lives. It's just about the way I see myself. Those two days a week make me feel like less of a mother. I could be super mum for the other five days, but it's never enough. The 'nanny days' still make me feel like a lazy, part-time mum.

  

Comments

[Claire]

No, don't feel like that at all! There is no need. Those two days sound like they do you the world of good to help manage your health. If you didn't have them you probably wouldn't have the other 5 days feeling good.

I have someone who comes and helps me for a morning a week and she is wonderful. It took a long time for me to swallow my pride and accept the help so I understand where you are coming from.

[Metropolitan Mum]

Little L is two half days a week at nursery. Just because I need a break. I am not ill (and I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing), I am not earning any money during that time, and there are days where she'd be better off at home. Still, I am refusing to feel guilty. These few hours off are crucial for my sanity. Or what's left of it ;)

[Jo]

@ Claire You're right. I think those two days are playing a large part in keeping me well. Prevention is better than cure and all that. Hope you get a bit of a break on the morning you have help.

@Metropolitan Mum I think half the problem is that I'm not really achieving anything or doing anything constructive on my nanny days (other than keeping well.) Glad that you're getting a break too. Do you use the time for doing creative stuff?

[Abby]

I don't think any moms are part time moms.

And if having someone (whom you trust, and who your kids love) help you out a few times a week, so you can look after yourself, and be a better mom, then it sounds like you found an ideal solution.

Mommy guilt is a killer, eh?

[Caroline]

If you didn't feel guilty about that, you'd feel guilty about something else. Us women just have it programmed into us, I swear - the guilt, I mean.

And there's absolutely no need to feel guilty about it, you get time to yourself that you need, and your kids really enjoy their time with the nanny - win/win! x

[Muddling Along Mummy]

They shouldn't feel guilty. Those nanny days help you be better on the other days, help you look after yourself, give you the space to take the medication you need

Please be kinder to yourself